Male Taming
November 4th, 2009 by AnneD
LOL. No, I’ve not struck on the Biggest Secret Ever. Finding the secret to taming men is about as likely as men figuring out the secret of how to understand women.
What I’m talking about is the not often found, positively told, female dominating a male fiction story. You see I’ve written one. His Intimate Submission was picked up by Ellora’s Cave a little while back and we’re just about finished with edits.
Male submission is a tough one to find really positive information about. There’s plenty of places to view vids of women punishing men or spanking men, lots of free fiction set up that way too, but often I came away with a gut feeling that the women weren’t really there for the sub, not in the way it’s expected of in the much more common male Dom/female sub fiction that’s so popular. My gut was telling me it was all about the Domme, and when it came to the free fiction quite possibly a hefty amount of anger towards men.
Now don’t get me wrong, BDSM has kinks galore and everyone has a right to their kink – and these works obviously fulfill the fantasies of a group of people (women and men both) – but what about the ‘softer side’, and the more positive side of male submission? That’s what I wanted to know about. The guy in my story wasn’t weak, and definitely didn’t need taking down a peg or two… he feels the need to be the one controlled in the bedroom, and the person he wants doing that controlling is his girlfriend. Not so heavy on the whips and clips and pain.
I found one great resource: Male Submission Art. The creator, MayMay, provides some excellent, insightful commentary on the images -both positive and negative – of male submission (to both sexes) from the male submissive’s point of view. He’s also involved in some interesting ventures aiming to bring positive feeling back to any and all areas of sexuality – I’d quite like to attend one of the Kink for All workshops… although, I’m not sure if writing kink quite meets the criteria.
I’m still working up the gumption to send a review copy to MayMay, I think in fear of having somehow misinterpreted his comments from Male Submission Art (and other places). I really do hope, though, that I’ve caught part of the essence of a softer, positive aspect of BDSM of being female dominated (although, don’t be fooled: fetishes, this story has them 
).
Kudos to you, Anne. I can’t imagine it is easy writing about a man submitting without making him sound “weak” or “too beta”. Just like there are strong women in real life, who choose to submit in the bedroom, the same goes for men. Although, I’m not sure I ever could write that. Congrats. I can’t wait to see it.
It took a while
and while I make no claims of it being the next great submissive opus, I do hope I’ve captured the right ‘feel’ I was going for.
HIS is the type of book I’ve been trying to find to read for myself…so I do hope there are other women out there like me searching for the same
Can’t wait to see this one. It’s an interesting subject.
Congratulations on completing the book! As an author (albeit a technical one) myself, I know how challenging writing—and publishing!—a book can be. And as an amateurish porn story (distinct from erotica or romance) writer, I’m particularly pleased that Male Submission Art provided as much inspiration as it did for your work.
It’s sad, of course, that you found only one good resource and not plenty of good resources. My not-so-secret goal is to try and spread the word and know-how about positively representing sexuality and particularly masculinity far enough that someone out there will do it so much better than me that I’ll just stop and enjoy their work and not stress out all the time.
In any event, if you would like to send me a review copy, please don’t hesitate to do so. (Drop me an email if you prefer a private conversation.)
As for KinkForAll, you should totally come to one, or unorganize a local KinkForAll in Florida somewhere near you! The only criteria is that you have a desire to learn or something to share, and you seem to meet both of those quite well! KinkForAll Washington DC actually had an erotica author give not one but two very fun presentations. Here are the KFADC videos.
Male Submission is an area I cover in my workshop on BDSM for Romance Writers and the thing is it’s a beautiful gift when the male can submit to a true Female Dominant.
I started out writing Female Dom erotica/erotic romance but it doesn’t sell sadly. Not anywhere in comparison to Male Dom/femsub erotic romance. it’s odd because for ever 1 female domme there are literally 10 or more male subs.
Best of luck to you!