Unrealistic Expectations…
May 30th, 2007 by Amanda Young
There was an interesting letter to the editor in the Sunday issue of the UK Times. It says the following:
“Pornography is all around us in what is called “romantic fiction”, where men are caricatured and presented as objects to gratify women’s drive for power and status. It is easy to see how these sorry entertainments, indulged in from a tender age, must lead to unreal expectations.”
Now, most of this I can scoff at. I don’t find erotic romance to be pornography. Titillating, yes, but not porn. The curious point, is whether or not romance in general creates unrealistic expectations towards men. A good romance novel creates a happily ever after we can envy, but do some of the women who read our books actually expect real life to imitate fiction?
What do you think?
Here’s the link to the short letter, if you’d like to see it for yourself.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/debate/letters/article1845292.ece
Wow, this is an interesting topic, Mandi! I actually just blogged about romance novels as fantasies yesterday.
I think that romance novels are like fairy tales. We know they’re not real but, deep down, we very much wish they were — and I think, to a certain extent, we convince ourselves that they COULD be real.
The ideas that the perfect man for you is out there, that there is someone who will love you for exactly who you are, and that you don’t have to be alone, are powerful and compelling — no matter how unrealistic.
I do think that the romance novels of today are much less “damaging” than the ones of yesterday. The heroes are less perfect, and fewer and fewer heroines need to be rescued.
Still, the fantasy of a HEA is at the core of the genre, and Happily Ever Afters simply don’t exist.
J
http://www.jeannelaws.blogspot.com
First thing I thought “that was written by a guy”, hit the link, and waddaya know…
Sounds like he’s had the line “why can’t you be more like the men in the romance novels” thrown at him at some point. I bet he’s the one who insists on splitting the bill
Reading has always been a way of stepping into an alternate reality for me. Sure would I like some of the things I read to spill over into my real life? Well, sure! Who wouldn’t like the amazing sex? I’ll save myself though, thankyou.
I’ve been rereading these two big banana boxes worth of category romances from the 80′s/early 90′s that are sitting in my garage – Oy cliche, cliche, and clinch! I have to say I agree with Jeanne when she talks about todays heroines. I’m glad to see that the arsehole Ultra alphas of the 80′s have met their match in the new century’s woman.
I’ve met a few women over my life that I have to wonder about thought. They have some damn big expectations to be met that seem to come straight out of a clinch covered novel. Me, well, I’m not that unrealistic.
I read it as a reversal of what women/feminists say about porn and the objectification of women. And, as such, a good point.
I have to say, that yes, I do think that often romance novels give an unrealistic view. Especially to younger or less mature readers. Growing up I read more category romance than you can count. I also read bodice rippers left and right. My parents were divorced, and there were only females in my house. So this was where I learned what a man was supposed to be like. Those romances told me what I should look for in a man.
Now, having said that, as I grew up, and matured, I realized that what was in those books was not realistic, and even if it was, it wasn’t what I really wanted. I decided early on never to be beholden to a man to be rescued. (LOL, I got pinged by a friend for making Diana from Argus: In Dreams never need to be rescued, or to do the rescuing as often as she was rescued. Her extreme unwillingness to not be the damsel in distress was a direct result of my decision years ago.)
I think that reading too much of anything, and only one version, can skew a young person’s perspective. Whether that be about relationships, politics, religion or life in general. I will say, however, the majority of our books are not written for the young and immature, and those that they are meant for should be able to separate reality from fantasy.
Oh, and I will disagree with Jeanne on one point. I think that Happily Ever Afters can exist. They take a lot of work, but they can, and do, exist.